I am hurt... It's 1 am on July 11th, 2023. My husband has threatened and blamed and raged at me for the last 2 hours. He's mad at his son (25) and daughter (21) but taking the BS with them out on ME. I'm tired mentally, physically and emotionally. I do not want to go on like this with him. It's too much and not worth it. He tells me all the time I'm "wasting his time" because he may have to do everyday things anyone does, like run in a store or some simple task... blaming me because he has to waste his time doing it. He just locked me out of our bedroom, and has spent the last hour cussing and raging and calling me an ingrate. I'm afraid (as he's threatened) he's going to kill himself or he's going to fall out with a heart attack he gets soooo in RAGES! He tries to run on 3 or 4 hours sleep a night and that's NO possible for a man over 50 (or anyone for that matter). Getting hyped up on adderall and energy drinks is no way to live and he's been doing this hot and heavy the past year and a half. It's been horrible the past 8 months. My sister says his heart is not going to be able to keep holding up under that sort of thing.
Some of things things my husband says to me in his RAGES are soo mean, hateful and hurtful. He thinks he and his "kids" (now 25 and 21 should be able to run over me) and I should clean, cook, wash/dry clothes, clean the house, grocery shop, drive 120 miles round trip a day to our old country house, take care of the animals, do 10 other things a day he wants me to do, and never have time for me, and never see my family. My husband told me how miserable he was when we met and how I made him so happy and he's never been so happy in his life.
He hid his narcissism and his hatefulness. He hid his jealousy, and ALL of their (his "kids" 18/21) mental issues until 5 months AFTER our marriage. He hid his abuse of his deceased wife. Then the 5th month of our marriage it was like ALL of it came bursting out of him as if he couldn't hid it anymore.
I'm so so tired of living my life each day with the house key in my pocket, my phone in my pocket and the fob to the suv in my bra. My husband has locked me out of our house, out of the car, out of our bedroom. Just tonight he locked me out of our bedroom. What kind of a husband does this to his wife? What kind of a husband threatens to hit his wife with a shovel? What kind of husband knocks his wife down on the floor and holds her down for 30 minutes? What kind of husband threatens to kill the dogs, cats? and other animals??
My husband is abusive mentally, physically and emotionally to me. He's been this way since the 5 month of our marriage. (We've been together 4 years.) He attempts to blame me for everything wrong in his life and his "kids" life... It's utterly stupid, and hateful, abusive, and ugly the way he rages at me. He did his deceased wife this SAME way for 20 years. I know now, as of the last year I discovered he allowed his "Kids" to mistreat his first wife/their own mother. They abused her mentally and physically when he was at work (which was most of the time while their were married). The son has admitted to me for almost the first year his dad and I were together how he overdosed his mom... He played it off as he didn't know they had changed his Mom's medicine and he didn't know he was supposed to ONLY give her one pill instead of two. He told me he had to help her with her medicine... He also told me his mom would scream and beg someone to put her out of her misery, and kill her. (In the first place a 21 year old man would KNOW if his mom's medications had been changed... HE CAN READ. He would have noticed the different label on the bottle. He told me what he did and made excuses for it... He said his sister and he would be in their bedrooms with earbuds in and their doors shut and would STILL hear their mom begging someone to kill her. Then he turned right around and told me HE slept with his mom a lot because he had to be right there close to her in case she called him... so he could hear her call???)
His 25 yr. old son is living worse than a pig in his bedroom and his car backseat is piled up to the windows with garbage. My husband tries to justify this 25 year old man living this way. He (the son) quit his job 3 weeks ago and has done NOTHING but stay up all night playing video games while my husband works nights. Then he sleeps all day.
My car has been in the repair shop for 4 days... meaning the son has his own car, we have our old farm truck (has no AC) and my husband has his car. The son had a flat yesterday and put his donut spare on his car... He slept all day and then waited until 8pm tonight and wanted to take my husband's car to go see his friends leaving us without transportation (except our old truck) in case we had to go somewhere (it's been record hot heat here... so we need AC in a vehicle). There as no reason for the son to wait until 8 pm and want to take my husband's car. He had from 8am yesterday until 5pm to go 2 miles down the road and get a tire from the tire shop but he was too lazy sleeping because he'd been awake ALL night playing video games online. He lies to his dad (my husband) and tells him he can't sleep at night because he doesn't want his dad to know he stayed up all night playing video games. The son used to try to make his dad and I fight. He lies to his dad. It's so crazy.
I think if someone in authority got the son alone, he would confess what he did to his mom in about 15 minutes.
It has really bothered me the past year since I realized the son killed his mom. Over the last year he's threatened to hit me twice. He did this also about 2 years ago once. It hurt me for their mom to know the daughter beat on her mother. It hurts me for the mom to know that both her children (who were 18 and 21) when she "died" abused her and were addicted to her pain medication. When my husband and I were dating and after we were married, he had left over pain medication of his wife's. He told me to hide it or his "kids" would want to take it. I told him I would put it down the toilet and he didn't want me to do that.
After I hid the medicines his "kids" (18 and 21) would come to him with all kinds of "illnesses" ... headaches, backaches, arm hurting, foot hurting, etc. etc... attempting to get him to give him his dead wife's medicines.
Why don't I leave? I have cats, a few little rabbits, 3 dogs, and he has several little goats... I HAVE to have a HOME for these fur babies when I leave. I HAVE to have money to care for US, a home for us, a vehicle of my own. I won't leave my animals.
My husband tries to break my spirit. He puts down on me and tries to kill my self worth and my confidence in myself. He was so ugly tonight .... I'd written in my blog earlier about how he'd told me 4 days ago when we took the suv to the repair shop, to look at the dealers used cars and see if there was one I liked. I found one a year newer than ours and with 100,000 less miles. He asked if I'd like to get it and I told him yes. I got excited about it because it would be "mine" in my name and not something he had when we met. My truck I had when we met was wrecked 3 years ago... thus I have not had my own vehicle since then. After got excited over getting the car (not a new one at all) and after he said we'd get it then he changed his mind and go ugly about it all like it was my idea, when it was all his idea. He told me we couldn't get it. He did that on purpose to hurt me. Tonight he told me "You will never get another car or a new car, you ingrate." How utterly hateful is that ? What kind of man tells his wife that to just hurt her??
I do not know how I can go on this way much longer... I've been saying it for months but I just cry to myself lately. I dream of having my own home, my own money, my own vehicle, and just take me and all the animals and GO... move to our own home... Just let my husband go to work and start moving us. When I'm done just leave the key to his suv (which he gave me 3 years ago but always threaten to take back) on the night stand with a note that reads "I love you." Just go after that and let him live his life, like he keeps threatening me he will do. That way he can no longer blame me.
We use cookies to analyze website traffic and optimize your website experience.