March 17th, 2025 11:25pm Monday
My husband was off today... and he's off tomorrow. He's lay in bed all day, and did absolutely nothing... which is ACTUALLY FINE with me, as long as he's not verbally, mentally, and emotionally abusive to me!!!!!!!!!!!
He tried about 8:30 tonight to "start" by getting shitty voiced and asked, "Have you been trying to get rid of goats?" I didn't answer so he repeated himself. I just said, "Yes." WHAT I did NOT say, but thought, was I will get rid of goats (from our old country house) AS SOON as GOD gets me moved to OUR NEW HOME. I will take ALL the animals we have and YOU will never see any of US again. Even "little" BS he does over the past several months MAKES me want to BE GONE Yesterday!!!!!!!!!!!!
I have told my sister over the last 6 months I HAVE NO nerves for his bullshit. I don't even want to be around him most of the time. I do love him >> But HE is the cause of how I feel for him NOW. He's told me for the last 4 years "You've f*cked up our marriage, you've f*cked up my life........" WELL >>>>>>>>> I will "unf*ck" his life as soon as I possibly can, by being out of his life. He can deal with his loss of ME then. God has already shown me not to concern myself with how he feels when that day is here.
My husband has been reading sex (I don't know if he's looking at porn or not) but he's reading porn on literoctica and other sex sites. I went to the kitchen today about 2pm to get him some food and came back to the bedroom about 15 minutes later and he was reading /looking on his phone and playing with his penis with his right hand and he was rock hard. I noticed when I opened the door with his food. He hurried and put his phone down and tried to hide his hard on. I asked, "What are you doing reading sex stories?"
He said, "No looking at the stock market." I said, "You are reading porn because you are hard and playing with yourself." I walked away. I'm not to put up with such bullshit and allow him to think I'm THAT stupid. So I called him on it. He was reading/looking at porn stories last night too, because when I lowed his hand toward me, just to see his face, he hurried and lay his phone face down on his stomach.
It made me angry. He NEVER wants to hug me, hold my hand, kiss me, or even kiss me goodbye, or hello, going and coming from work, but he can lay in the bed and read porn and play with himself while I wait on him hand and foot? I've been to the point the last year I don't even want to have sex with him. I have NEVER refused him sex, but that doesn't keep me from feeling what I feel privately, in my own heart, and mind about it. He took a "magic pill" to help him get an erection Sunday morning when he got in from work.... I assumed he was going to want sex. We haven't had it yet.
HE had that stupid movie "Heretic" on tonight. He put it on about 15 minutes ago. I HATE that twisted psycho movie when I see it on! I've told him that about 4 or 5 times. When he first watched it about 2 weeks ago he insisted I watch it with him. I got my laptop and sit where he couldn't see me, as he lay on the sofa in the living room and just allowed him to assume I was "watching" it. The love seat "L's" with the sofa so when he was lying down he couldn't see me well and just thought I was watching but I was NOT. It was difficult not to actually see the movie as it played though... He only puts it on because I hate it... and because in his narcissistic sociopath personality. My husband has proven over the past 4 years he likes being sadistic also. THUS<<< I can see why this stupid movie fascinates him!!!!!!!! I told him tonight when he begin playing it, "I hate that f*cking movie." He said, "Well here watch what you want." I said, "Why do you want to watch it over and over, when it's about a stupid psychopath that tortures women?" I see he's now playing it again...
Has anyone seen the movie?? It's about a very mentally sick sadistic psychopath that tortures women and keeps them in cages... totally and completely SICK. I like Huge Grant as an actor but I hate this movie.
I've been through enough mental, physical and emotional abuse the last 5 years, I surely do not want to have to watch a sick movie where the women are kidnapped, caged and tortured!!
GOD please get me OUT of this. I WANT out now. I want my own home to go to. I'm sick of being trapped here. YOU know I can't leave without these animals. I MUST have a home to take them to. HELP GET US A HOME.
I'm so sick of being stressed to the limit. I want away from him, from here. He told me about 2 years ago, and 50 other times before, and since, "I'm leaving you." I told him one night when he said it, "GOOD, then when you leave me I will NO LONGER be tied to you in God's eyes, and will be free to go myself." He looked so hurt like I'd slapped him... and went on to bed, stopped his stupid raging, and went to sleep. My husband thinking I will never leave him is to my advantage, and will make it easier for me to follow my plans to leave when I can.
