March 15th, 2015 Friday morning: 4:48 AM
My husband has the movie "Heretic" ON again... this is like the 5th time he's watched it in less than a week. I told him when he first TOLD me to watch it with him several days ago that I DID NOT want to see it, as it's a HORROR.... about women being kidnapped and tortured. Since then, he's watched it 5 times... at least. I HATE the movie in the seconds I actually think about it. It's a psychotic mentally deranged horror movie about a very sick psycho guy that kidnaps and tortures women and keep them in cages in his basement. In one utterly stupid evil scene, in the movie he's cutting a caged woman's fingernails through the cage bars she's in with like shrubbery punning tools and he cuts one of her fingers off on purpose. CRAZY sick movie. I asked my husband what he finds interesting in the movie and he said the "psychology" of it. I responded "...The psychology of WHAT the completely mentally psycho deranged??" He did his smart alec smirk of a smile. He's only watching it because he knows I don't like it and because he associates with the freaking psycho character!!
He came in at 4 am and went to bed about 4:15, and I've waited on him 5 times since then in 30 minutes. Got him ice cream, his laptop charger, got antiseptic and cleaned his right foot because it was itching, got him clean socks, picked up his uniform out of the floor... I'M TIRED OF BEING ON CALL 24/7/365.
I went to Hobby Lobby a few days ago because I've only been about 4 times in the six years we've been together. I spent like $118 dollars. I didn't care that day and actually that's NOT MUCH to spend since I never get to go anyway. After he got into bed he asked me, "I'm curious what did you buy at Hobby Lobby for $100 dollars..." He's already asked me yesterday if I went. I told him "Just a few things on clearance sale... I've only been there 3 or 4 times in the 6 years we've been together..." He asked again, "What did you buy... you want even tell me..." (THIS IS HIM STARTING HIS BULLSHIT AND TRYING TO START A FIGHT... WHICH I ALREADY KNEW HE WAS ATTEMPTING TO DO.) I told him one thing was a lantern that was really expensive but on clearance and they only had two left and one was broken. I told him I had one at our old country house from years ago I'd gotten and I wanted a second one while I could still find one or I may never be able to find another as they were selling them out. He begin, "What do you need something else for you are going to put up and keep in a bag or store there for?" He was getting his pissy attitude.
I left the room to go to the kitchen, mumbling to myself and to GOD all the way... under my breath. I told GOD, "When I leave here I'm NEVER coming back... I want away from him completely...!!!!!!!!!! .........and I NEVER want to come back, I'm tired of his bullshit. His daughter can buy whatever and waste money and he will never tell her a thing..." (She's going on 24 and just 3 weeks ago got her the only job she's ever had except one I got her at Goodwill 3 years ago where she only worked 5 days and quit.)
I FELT LIKE TELLING MY HUSBAND I DIDN'T GET THE THINGS FROM HOBBY LOBBY TO PACK UP AND KEEP AT OUR OLD COUNTRY HOUSE. I GOT THEM TO GO IN MY NEW HOME THAT GOD IS MOVING ME TOO VERY SOON. THIS IS WHAT I FELT LIKE TELLING HIM.
What did I get at Hobby Lobby... I got a bunny rabbit life size statue, I got a 12 x 12 inch bunny rabbit picture, I got a HUGE 3 x 4 picture of a highland calf, a duck, a sheep, a goat, a pig and a chicken and a donkey... it was like $80 dollars and 45 or 50 percent off!! I tried to leave it and I just KEPT seeing it on the wall of MY HOUSE I have saved... I kept seeing it on the den wall that's made of brick!! I could not leave it!! I forget what else I got... OH... the gold lantern... it's about 17 inches tall and as big around as a saucer... and you unhook the top to open it and can put a candle in it... or like the one I already have at our old country house which I set a flash light lantern down in and it looks GOOD! If the electric goes off then I can use them as "lanterns" literally!! What else did I get... a few small Items that I can't remember right now... a bird's nest vine... is one... AND... hmmmmm..... I will have to look when I go to the old country house... I was in a hurry unloading it all there last time I was there.
You know earlier today I was thinking he'd (my husband) will be VERY SAD when I leave... and I was thinking I don't want to hurt him just get away from him. NOW, tonight God just showed me once again for the 500th time NOT to be concerned about my husband's feelings or his hurt when I leave. GOD IS TELLING ME ENJOY YOUR NEW LIFE I'M GIVING YOU.
I'M EXHAUSTED MENTALLY AND PHYSICALLY. MY HUSBAND KEEPS ME THIS WAY... RIGHT NOW HE HAS THE TV BLARING LOUD ON THAT STUPID MOVIE. I'M GOING TO BED AND IF HE'S SLEEPING I'M TURNING THAT THING OFF. I DO NOT WANT TO HEAR IT AT ALL.
