My husband is a vulnerable narcissist with serious mental issues. His mental and emotional abuse of me has intensified horribly over the past several months and the last 2 months have been unbearable. He's being mean, hateful, accusing, blaming, RAGING, vicious, lying, cussing everything, and constantly threatening to (or attempting to) hurt me /and or my animals physically.
He's threatened to throw our rare cats out on the road, threatened to take them and drop them off at a KILL "shelter". He threatened to call spca or some organization on me just so they will take my animals EVEN though they are cared for, well, and healthy. (I have asked him for several months to help me rehome some of the cats and help me take several to the vet to spay/neuter and rehome... He bitches and rages about that.) He's threaten to... and these are his words, "cut the heads off all the goats". He's picked up a long handled shovel, held it like a baseball bat swinging it partial, as I backed up the steps on the porch, and threaten to hit me in the head with it (that's where he had it aimed) and THIS was one day ago! About 3 weeks ago he kicked one of our dogs in the chest as hard as he could with a steel toed boot with his right foot. (I screamed at him to NOT do that as I turned around and saw him in the act.) Our dog fell back making an "Ummmp" sound. (I cried and prayed he was not hurt... thank God.) Also, one day ago (yesterday) he punched a dwarf goat in the face three times when he thought I was not looking... I came out of one of the goat stalls in time to see him, and I screamed.
My husband has threatened to "begin shooting dope again" twice in the last week. (He's a 26 yr recovered dope addict and alcoholic) He's been drinking again the last year with it increasing to several times a week the last 5 or 6 months. Also, in the last 3 months he's threatened to kill himself 4 or 5 times. Two nights ago when he wanted to go pick up food to eat, he drove and surged and braked the car and ran off the road several times as if he was drunk or on something (Idk what was wrong but something WAS...). I drove back.
Last year he threatened to jump out of the vehicle when I was driving on the interstate at 70 miles an hour!! I literally was driving with my left hand and had his shirt grabbed in my right hand trying to pull him back into the car as he held the door open!! Then as I exited off the interstate and slammed to a stop he jumped out of vehicle before it came to a complete stop throwing himself down... screaming at me to "Get the f*ck away from him." As I went to pull up he jumped back into the open door and knocked himself down and then tried to blame me for "hitting him with the door"... sigh.
My husband makes very good money yet he b*tches and rages because I spend $200 a month on the animals?? I do my own hair and nails... I don't spend money on myself. Why would a husband begrudge his wife spending this little of money? He tells me "You are squandering my money." I asked him "HOW?" I don't buy any thing for myself unless it's clearance clothes... He replied "You are squandering my money on animals I don't want. You are buying food for them." My friend and my sister says it's not about the animals OR ME at all... he's rages are about himself.
He's gambling... I found this out a few months ago --- he is gambling online. I'm not sure how much but it has been often lately... the last few months. When he loses he GETS SO ANGRY AND ABUSIVE to ME and rages at me about what little money I spend. Thus, my husband blames me for HIS gambling and losing.
I've told him if he doesn't get control of his mind and his rages, with or without me, in the picture, he's going to kill himself. My sister and one of my friends has said if I had not been with him the past two years he would have already killed himself. All he likes to watch is horror movies or bad news reports. He has watched horror movies 75 percent of his tv time over the past 3 years. ALL he fills his mind with is BAD ... nothing uplifting or positive, or happy or joyous. For the past year and a half, 90 percent of what comes out of his mouth is hateful, critical, blaming, and ugly.
As God is my witness I love him, but he's hurt me so much emotionally and physically that I live my life in stress and fear of him everyday. WHY do I stay? Because sometimes, like yesterday and today, I have little faith in myself... just when I get myself picked back up, he KNOCKS me down harder with his mean, hateful RAGES, telling me how selfish, mean, horrible and hateful I am. I KNOW I'M NOT THAT WAY. (I learned over a year ago that what he tells me is what he's doing.) He controls everything. He's taken any money I had saved. He threatens to cancel my credit cards if I don't do what he wants. He tries to not ever let me relax or rest. He tries to keep me isolated from my family. I NEED AND WANT a home of my own so I can make a "CLEAN" break and have a safe place for my animals and me, of my own, where he can never threaten or hurt me again. If I had the funds I'd buy a property of my own NOW, and GO!
My husband has worsened over the past 6 months and gotten horribly worse the past 2 months. For the past year and a half he tells me in a RAGE ---- "LEAVE me alone, let me stay in my own miserable little world." He just told me this yesterday and today in a RAGE.
Do you know how hard it is to hear that from a person you LOVE?? Sigh.
My husband knocks, mocks, and rages about my faith in God, my positive outlook, my belief in goodness, and blessings, etc. He makes fun of and criticizes my belief that God will take care of us and we can have an abundant good life. (I specifically asked him if he believed in God while we dated. He told me all about how his family was Christians and how spiritual he was and how he grew up in church.) It was not until the 5th month of our marriage that he begin raging and he has not stopped. It's as if something in him snapped and his "real self" came pouring out. There were very few small "red flags"... so few that I ignored them thinking myself too picky.
I found out on Christmas Eve last year how jealous he is his of my family and his own siblings... I also discovered, as my sister and friend have told me for a year, he's jealous of me also. To find out that my own husband is jealous of me hurts very deeply because I have dedicated my life to him since we married. How utterly sad? (I'm crying now.) He doesn't want me to have anything... he's jealous the animals love me. He was jealous I had a relationship with his grown "kids". He even went back 2 yrs before I met him and criticized my fb page wanting me to delete some post. My husband use to tell me "I will never be able to control you." He repeated this over and over to me until last year when I called him on it... asking him, "Why would you want to control me when I do everything to try to please you and make you happy?" He even wakes me up at night as if he doesn't want me to sleep. He will call me from work all hours of the night and then ask the the next morning, "Did you get any rest?"
My husband told me the first few months we were married and I quote: "I made a lot of mistakes in my first marriage baby. I never want to make those same mistakes with you." When I questioned him he told me. "I would come home from work and there'd be toys all over the floor, the house would be dirty, clothes dirty, and there would be no food cooked to eat. I would get in a rage and cuss and scream... at her. I punched holes in the walls in my rages. I got into the habit or cussing and raging and arguing with her. I never want to do that with you baby."
I told him, "Lets NEVER do that.... I love you! I never want to do that... I love you. Let's promise to never argue and say mean things please." HE PROMISED ME HE WOULD NEVER DO THAT WITH ME!!
My husband said, "I hope you always love me like you do now... I hope you will always love me as much as you do now." Him saying this confused me way back then... (in the beginning months of our marriage). I didn't understand why he told me that several times. Now, and for over a year I have understood his statements... because he KNEW then what he would do to our relationship, me and our love and marriage... I'm sobbing now... he knew way back then four years ago. (Even his 25 year old son told me how his dad fought, yelled and argued with his mom all the years of their marriage.) How he treats and controls me is what he did her for over 20 years.
I'm so stressed and upset now I'm sobbing and seeing "stars"... I love my husband. It's as if evilness has his mind and he doesn't try to control it. He stopped going to two therapist... went to one one time, and the other three times, and didn't like what they told him so I no longer know what to do. It's ALL such as shame, WE COULD BE HAPPY. He makes everything hard, miserable, unpleasant as if he doesn't deserve good things. My sister and friend says he is miserable with himself. I know he has serious rage issues with his deceased wife that he has never confronted or resolved. Part of me feels so absolutely sorry for him. I pray and examine myself everyday. I have not been perfect... but I am and have been a very good wife. I just don't understand why he seems to want to destroy himself and me.
We use cookies to analyze website traffic and optimize your website experience.