Feb. 23rd, 2025 Tired of Abuse...

7:10 pm Feb. 23rd, 2025 Sunday evening/night:

My husband left before 5pm to go to Winn Dixie a few miles down the road... he stayed gone until 7pm... over two hours and only came back with about 12 items!   I think he went to a gambling place down the road and I think he's been stopping at one on the way home from work, over the last year (when he comes in at 4am...)  He used to get in about 3:45 am all the time... but over the last year it's been later and later... sometimes 4:20am now... Thus -- about a 30 minute difference.  He has to pass TWO gambling places on the way home that are open ALL the time!!   I feel he went by one this evening and that's WHY he came in attempting to fight and argue... because he's lost money gambling.  

From experience over the last two years (that I KNOW he's been gambling online, on ballgames, etc...) when he loses money he's always hateful, and mean and abusive. 

Anyway he's been off 3 days, and goes back to work tomorrow.  He's laid around on his computer on a news talk group/forum... (he supposed quit twitter two months ago but replaced it with one or two news chat forums...).  Thus, as with twitter he keeps his nose in his laptop nearly 24/7 when he's home... He mowed the grass (at our city house) yesterday and really that's ALL he's done in his three days off other than TRY to gripe about different things... like the garage not being "clean" although he can walk from the utility room out the garage door...which he could NOT do until I came here nearly 6 yrs ago.  When he came back from Winn Dixie he tried to gripe about the 10 month old pit puppy "whining" because according to my husband he's miserable because he's in a large crate.  (There is NO explaining to my husband the dog considers that his ROOM and his safe place... My husband doesn't WANT any of my three dogs out in the house and hardly wants my other two inside at all... hence my having them a dog house built last summer with AC in it... )   The puppy just wanted him to play with him 10 minutes as he usually does but hasn't touched the puppy in two days for laying around with his nose glued to his laptop/news forums!!   He tried to gripe about the refrigerator needing cleaned out... We just did that 2 wks ago...  and it's fine.   He tried to start about a dresser drawer in the bedroom being full and it being "his drawer"... I told him that drawer was never his drawer.... GEEZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ  He has ALL the other  7 drawers in that dresser for his clothes/stuff....He also has ALL 8 drawers in the other big dresser with HIS clothes in it... and two drawers in a wardrobe that are supposed to be for my clothes.  But he gripes because I have the walk in closet which is only 6 x 6? (and it's 1/3 full of his old stuff like camping things and old computers he will never use again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)  

I'm tired... Friday and Saturday night he must have woke me up about 12 times EACH night between 11pm and 5 am...!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I told my sister I NEVER get any good rest... undisturbed.  I have been trying the last 2 months to sleep when he sleeps.... but it seems as soon as I'm asleep he will wake up and slam doors, or dresser drawers, or turn the TV up to 85 volume or put youtube on his laptop and play music in my ears as he lays in bed.  (He has about 3 sets of wireless ear buds and can't use them... plus wired ones....!!)  My sister says he's trying to keep me tired and stressed on purpose.  

I have WAITED on him hand and foot since he got off Friday morning... I"ve cooked, packed him food about 4 or 5 times a day... and done about 20 other things a day for him... not counting waiting on him all through the nights also.  I've cooked for him, washed clothes, took care of the cats and dogs, cleaned the kitchen several times, and many other things... PLUS pick up and clean up behind him.  He loves to make messes such as coming in out of the yard with muddy boots and tracking up the kitchen and utility room and them bitching about how the cats leave hair all over the house and make the house dirty?????????????  He will spill stuff, milk, coffee, cold drinks all over the floor and just leave it... saying, "Oh, I didn't now I spilled anything..."  YEA right!!!!!!!  BUT you can tell me anytime a cat throws up a fur ball and NOT offer to clean it even thought I CLEAN his 20 messes a day????????????

GOD I want to be IN MY OWN HOME WITH MY ANINALS... AS MY SISTER HAS SAID I WOULD BE DOING 80 PERCENT LESS WORK KEEPING UP AND CLEANING BEHIND MYSELF AND THEM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   Like my sister says my husband tries to keep me so upset, tired (from lack of rest and doing everything for him) and exhausted in general to keep me from doing anything for myself... 

Since he brags about making $250 thousand a year, I decided to look on ebay for me two "trench" type coats... long but not that heavy (not leather) but light weight for all the rain we have throughout the year... and a few pair of ankle boots because I have no boots that truly fit me and only a few old pair that I had when I met him.  Thus, I ordered 2 leather pair and may order a third.  The two light weight trench coats and both pair of leather boots all together came to barely over $100 for all of it!!!  (He felt guilty for fighting with me on Valentine's Day and so he "allowed" me to order a two rings off ebay last week... they were not expensive, they are silver not gold.  I'm really sick and tired of having to look for discount clothing... even when I'm mad at him over the last two years, and take out his hurting me by buying myself something and not mentioning it to him... I only spend $25 or $30 dollars on myself... FOR WHAT he makes, I should be driving a brand new suv and dripping in 14kt gold!!!!!!!!!!  I should be having someone do my nails each week and be getting my hair done when ever I want to, and have someone come in at least once a week to CLEAN for ME.  INSTEAD, I never do any of that ~~ but by dog and cat food, and pet meds/ stuff for my animals, so he cannot say I "waste" his money.  I save about $300 a week BY NOT doing any of that... yet he has bitched and griped hatefully over the last two years because I spend $300 a month on the animals here and at our old country house????  REALLY???????????  

GOD help me have the funds for my OWN HOME and life.  Now... now... now...